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cmoore0013
Unregistered User
(6/20/05 1:11 pm)
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My final draft of Snow White needs your help!
Hello agian,
I have recently been thinking about my film adaptation of Snow White while it's on a hiatus from filming. The film just isn't working.
I need your help. What would you like to see in a definitive version of the fairy tale Snow White?
How do you picture the main characters?
Should there been any changes of additions in the story?
How should I play out certain scenes?
Anythng. This is what you can do to make this film the best version of the tale possible.
I'm not trying to get any particular film rating or to be appropriate for children. If you want to add gore or sexual sequences, that's fine.
Please, I need your help.
So far, the film is just lame and the story is not great. The dialouge is often bland. It needs a new kick. Maybe a new subplot, better dialouge, or something.
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Veronica
Schanoes
Registered User
(6/20/05 2:11 pm)
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Re: My final draft of Snow White needs your help!
I feel like I need to know a few more specifics about how you feel the movie isn't working right now. Where is it set? What do you have so far? It's easier for me to work with a vague outline than just free-associating.
Would it help if you didn't feel like the movie had to be the definitive version of Snow White? Any good fairy tale will keep on changing, after all, and you can't capture all of its nuances in one film.
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cmoore0013
Unregistered User
(6/20/05 8:08 pm)
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More info.
Well, right now it's set in Germany, the time is not specified, but it's definatly not modern.
What we have shot so far, has been o.k., but nothing great. My cast is good and the sets are alright.
I know we have to reshoot most of Snow White running in the forest after the hunter lets her go. Her outfit is just horribly bunchy and ugly.
I need a more vivid background on the huntsman. We tried to write and film a sequence where he spills his guts to SW in the woods, but it ended up being too Lifetime movie-ish.
The switch from the queen turning from loving and barren mother to evil and crazy child killer, is really impossible to do. I just can't make a smooth transition between the two.
Snow White seems to come off as either too stupid or too annoying in a lot of scenes. Definatly not something you want from your main character.
The eating of the lungs and liver of SW is hard to write. What is the queen to looks like and say to the huntsman when he brings it to her. I she seductive? Is she overly happy? I want themost chilling thing that she could possibly do to make the sequence unbelivably disturbing.
The dwarves are surprisingly a part I have little trouble with. We have a great shot of them looking at SW in the light of their lantern as she sleeps. It's a beautiful shot, really.
Now, as for the queen finding out about SW being alive, I don't know if she should just paint her face for all the disguises or use her magic to change. The apple one, I know I'm going to have ehr transform into an old woman. The comb one, I will have ehr as a Chinese comb seller, and as for the first, I don't know.
When SW is visited the first time, I don't want her to know anything at all. And why should she? It's been months. If the queen knew, she would have killed her already. I know for the next one, I want her to simply tell her to go away and that she can't let anyone in. For the apple visit, I want her to almost hurt the queen with a butcher knife. She threatens her to go away with a knife and then the queen begins to temp her by eating the portion of the apple.
I keep thinking that I want to show the queen after the apple death. Maybe relaxing and asking her mirror the same question over and over again, but I don't know what else she would be doing. Any ideas?
The prince comes over from his kingdom and actually rests in the home of the dwarves. They tell him the story of the princess and how she came to be in the coffin. I don't know if I should put this part at the beginning and have the story fold out while the dwarves are telling it to the prince, or to have it towards the end of the film.
Then of course, the prince carries the coffin with his servant and when they get tired, the servant roughly hits the coffin on the ground and opens it up and asks why they have to travel so far for a corpse. Then he hits her on the back, which sends the peice of apple flying out and then SW is restored.
As for the wedding, I'm clueless. I wan to have the queen flip out and be dressd nice and then hit her mirror and shatter it. Then she gets in her coach and drives to the wedding. Of course she gets the hot slippers and dies. I don't know how that will work out either. I really need help on that.
I had an idea that at the end we go back into the queen's mirror room and there her face is. Painted white and in the place of where her old talking head that was on the mirror. Well, that might need some explaining, but there is a white head on top of the mirror that speaks to the queen(or does it?) when she asks her famous question.
I think it would be cool to see her trapped there forever.
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Writerpatrick
Registered User
(6/21/05 10:17 am)
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Re: My final draft of Snow White needs your help!
>I need a more vivid background on the huntsman.
Is he a father? Maybe that could motivate him. Maybe he looks at her and thinks of his own children.
>The switch from the queen turning from loving and barren >mother to evil and crazy child killer, is really impossible to >do. I just can't make a smooth transition between the two.
What are her motivations? Is she just being nice to Snow White because of her father? She is a stepmother, not Snow White's actual mother.
>Snow White seems to come off as either too stupid or too >annoying in a lot of scenes. Definatly not something you >want from your main character.
That will probably take an editing of the lines to fix. Remember that she's young and innocent.
>The eating of the lungs and liver of SW is hard to write.
Leave it out then. Just the mention of it in dialogue should be enough.
>The dwarves are surprisingly a part I have little trouble
How are they causing problems?
>Now, as for the queen finding out about SW being alive, I
Makeup techniques would be more traditional. Because the queen is a woman, the makeup would appear more believeable. And considering that the queen is extremely vain, she would probably be an expert in the use of makeup.
>I keep thinking that I want to show the queen after the >apple death. Maybe relaxing and asking her mirror the >same question over and over again, but I don't know what >else she would be doing. Any ideas?
The story does have her going back to her mirror to confirm Snow White's death.
>The prince comes over from his kingdom and actually rests >in the home of the dwarves. They tell him the story of the >princess and how she came to be in the coffin. I don't know >if I should put this part at the beginning and have the story >fold out while the dwarves are telling it to the prince, or to >have it towards the end of the film.
I think I've seen it done both ways.
>As for the wedding, I'm clueless. I wan to have the queen >flip out and be dressd nice and then hit her mirror and
How about her getting so angry she has a heart attack? I don't think that one's been done yet.
>I had an idea that at the end we go back into the queen's >mirror room and there her face is. Painted white and in the
As she's dying, she might ask the mirror to save her. Or it could be the price she paid for her beauty.
Edited by: Writerpatrick at: 6/21/05 3:58 pm
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LostBoyTootles
Registered User
(6/21/05 4:28 pm)
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Re: My final draft of Snow White needs your help!
What if a man who was not the King was Snow White's real father, and the Queen and the man had been separated because the King had found out that he wasn't the real father. The Queen would hate Snow White because she was a reminder of her lost love. The huntsman could be Snow White's father's brother and he feels compassion for her since she is his niece, and so he lets her go.
In carrying on with the idea above, maybe Snow White's mother isn't a loving mother to Snow White at all. As I said, she hates to look at her because she is a painful reminder of her dead lover. She puts on a show that she's kind toward Snow White because the King orders it because he doesn't want the rest of the kingdom to know that she's not really the rightful heir to the throne, since she is not his daughter. Then when the mirror tells the Queen that Snow White is more beautiful, it's the last straw for her and she decides to get rid of her.
I agree that skipping the huntsman bringing the heart would be easiest - maybe just show the Queen eating some kind of meat, and the King comes in and asks her what she's eating and she just kind of shrugs.
I like the Chinese comb seller and the hag ideas. For the bodice-seller disguise, perhaps she just does something simple like hide her face with a scarf, or maybe send a servant to do the deed, and she watches from behind a tree? In one of the original versions, I believe she sent a servant saying that the King knew she was alive and well and that he had sent the bodice as a gift, and that's why Snow White trusts her - maybe put that in?
I've always liked the idea that when the Queen poisoned the apple, she dipped it in the poison, like a carmel apple type thing, and then when she tempts Snow White, she peels her portion first, claiming she doesn't like the peel. That way the Queen avoids the poison, but doesn't have to do some trick to only get a portion of the apple poisoned.
I really like the idea of having the dwarfs tell the story to the Prince in a flashback. Then, if you use my suggestion with the huntsman and the Queen's lover, perhaps those details can come out in the end, as I doubt the dwarfs would know that part of the story.
Queen's death... I think it'd be interesting to have her die via poison, since that's how she tried to kill Snow White. But if you're set on the red-hot iron shoes, maybe she's the "entertainment" at the wedding? I like the idea of her being trapped in the mirror, as well as having the head on top of the mirror's frame, rather than in the glass itself.
I hope I've helped some!
Tootles~~If I can't be anything important, would you like to see me do a trick? |
Veronica
Schanoes
Registered User
(6/21/05 4:47 pm)
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Re: My final draft of Snow White needs your help!
I want you to keep the red-hot shoes--I think they're vital! I think having a public display of torturous death at one's wedding would undermine the sympatheticness of the Prince and SW, but if that's what you're going for it could work.
You could work the queen's absorption by the mirror by having her strike a deal-with-the-devil kind of thing where she gets to stay young and beautiful forever. I think a nice, chilling, bleak, if not-too-original way to tend the movie altogether would be with a shot of Snow White consulting her mirror, perhaps the same mirror if she inherits it, with the implication of Similar Things to Come.
I think you don't want to show the actual lungs and liver because they will either look gross or fake, and either way that'll ruin the effect you're going for. The problem with this scene, it would seem to me, is that the fearsome effect is ruined because the audience already knows that they're not the liver and lungs of SW, but just the innards of a boar, which, eh, I've eaten liver before, it's no big deal. So...hmm...I can't think of a way to do it, really. I'll think some more, but I'm not a very visual person.
One way to handle the continued tendency of SW to open the door to strangers despite the fact that it never ends well would be to make the dwarves rather sinister and frightening too--if they're constantly giving her lists of confining rules, if she's not staying there entirely of her own free will, it makes sense that she would defy them.
The switch in the queen's character....What if she was taking some kind of preparation/drug to maintain her youth/beauty that slowly affected her mind? Gave her hallucinations, paranoia, what have you. That could turn her against the people closest to her.
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cmoore0013
Unregistered User
(6/21/05 5:11 pm)
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OMG!
OMG, your ideas are all so brilliant!
I might actually have the huntsman leading SW into the woods, pulling his knife out, and then it cuts to the queen's room. Then the huntsman brings her the lungs and liver. Then she starts to eat them, etc. Then she sks something to the extent of "How did she look in her final moment?" Then it flashes back to what really happened, with SW running to the cottage, etc. Then it would add suspense to where he really killed her or not. Just an idea.
You are being so helpful. Any ideas for any other fairy tale film ideas, bring them on. You guys are excellent. If you have any for Cinderella bring them on quickly, though. We begin to re-shoot in a month.
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