|
Author
|
Comment
|
JMerriam
Registered User
(1/23/05 10:59 pm)
|
Re: boogey man
anamithim, that's the second time you've mentioned that. Do you have particularly bad night fears? As a coping mechanism, you may want to try just sleeping with the lights on for a little while. It may be that just taking a break might help. Alternatively, if there is something specific going on in your life that makes it worse - you may need more help than an im session with an untrained stranger.
Think about who in your life you can talk to. I don't recommend telling your friends that you are afraid of the dark (unless they are spectacularly mature for 14-year-olds, they will just make fun of you) but an adult should be able to help. If your parents can't help, does your school have counsellors? Or there may be a teacher you like.
Black Sheep, I really like your analysis. It makes sense that we would practice fear as children the same way we practice other sorts of behaviours.
It's true that my duvet had great powers! It didn't work with my sheets, by the way - had to be the fluffy duvet cover, and it had to cover me all over, except my head could stick out for some reason.
see how moonlight's sharp music breaks all of your windows |
evil little pixie
Registered User
(1/24/05 7:08 am)
|
Re: boogey man
anamithim, I second the advice about talking to a counsellor if you need to- they're trained to help people with this sort of stuff, and if your school has one, you can see him/her for free during lunch or whenever. Another thing that might help is having a soft cuddlely stuffed animal to hug at night. Also, I sleep much better now that I no longer have caffine after about 3 in the afternoon. Chocolate's ok, because it only has a tiny bit, but no soda or tea or coffee unless it's decaf. And finally, if scary movies bother you, don't feel bad for avoiding them! I'm 21 and I still can't watch them, and judging from this thread, they freak out plenty of grown-ups too.
|
AliceCEB
Registered User
(1/24/05 8:54 am)
|
Re: boogey man
Yup, I'm in my forties and still avoid horror movies because I can't sleep at night after viewing one.
Black Sheep, your analysis seems right. I recall, as a child, imagining my parents dead and provoking uncontrolled tears, just to see if I could manage it (I couldn't). An interesting aspect is that the fear can become real to the child--it's not only that as children we experiment with fears and try to master them, but these fears can take a life of their own and sometimes master us--we truly believe something is under our bed or lurking in the closet and we act accordingly. I think there is a multi-element process: dark spaces are fearsome by instinct, and as children we like to imagine conquering a fearsome place. But then, once we've imagined what could exist in these dark places, we have trouble exorcising these bogeymen--and perhaps experience with age helps us puts these fears to rest.
But then, as the articles you posted about the Birmingham vampire attest, even as adults, we might not be able to exorcise everything--night remains a dangerous time/place for us. It is, after all, in the darkness that the horrors of fairy tales frequently occur: the dark woods of Hansel and Gretel, the dark closet of Bluebeard, the murder of children at night in Tom Thumb... and more. I find it interesting that as children, what the bogeyman looks like is individual to the child (as all the posts show), while as adults they are shaped by stories (vampires, werewolves, Hitchcock's tales...) and have a recognized form.
Best,
Alice
|
Veronica Schanoes
Registered User
(1/24/05 1:38 pm)
|
fears
You know, anamithim, if your fears are troubling, then talking to a counselor is a wonderful idea. But I also just wanted to let you know that I too had tremendous fears of the dark well into my teens. I couldn't say when they finally abated...maybe sometime in my late teens, and not always then. When I am particularly upset or stressed out or have just watched a frightening movie, they sometimes come back and I'm in my late 20s. And I mean genuine feelings of paralysis, my heart pounding, etc. I guess all I'm trying to say is that while I don't know the difficulties your fears may be causing you, there may be nothing unusual or abnormal about them at all! If that's the case, don't beat yourself up about having those fears....you're certainly not the only one.
|
Black Sheep
Registered User
(1/24/05 2:42 pm)
|
Re: fears
Hi Anamithim,
I was a bit reluctant to post a reply to your question about getting rid of night fears because of your choice of nickname. The anamithim are vampiric soul stealers and I've encountered some needy people who could be accurately described that way because they latch onto anyone who offers help and then drain them dry. Although I understand that some people choose scary nicknames because they want to identify with someone tough and maybe that's what you were thinking.
There are lots of techniques for diminishing night fears but they all work in a similar way by altering the link in the mind of the sufferer between the fear and their current circumstances. That means that you should try changing anything which starts your fear. So:
1. More light where you sleep. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. And if you can have a bedside light which is under your control while you're in bed that's even better (although some low power lights or torches seem to create more shadows so it's important for you to find whatever works for you).
2. Make your sleeping area as comfortable as possible. If you can make sure you're warm enough at night that could help. Also you might feel a bit better if you have a comfy duvet/blanket which you can cover yourself up with.
3. If you can think of a type of animal which you like and you think will protect you then get a plush version and take it to bed with you. If you can't get a plush toy then draw a picture or make a representation of your guardian to keep by your bed. (This worked for my 11 year old nephew. He had a friendly wolf in a picture which he drew and stickied to the wall near his pillow).
4. No caffeine, or anything else which you know makes you hyper, in the evenings. Hot milk (yuck) has natural stuff called tryptophan in it which will help you sleep so the traditional hot milk at bedtime is good.
5. Try to avoid horror movies/books and other things you know will freak you out.
You could try believing that your night fears are your mind practicing being afraid so that you can cope better with other fears. In my experience most night fears are caused by something bothering you in your everyday life and once you work out what it is then the night fears might become less difficult for you. Sometimes just talking about your fears with someone you trust (even if that's a plush toy) can help especially when you realise that we all feel the same way sometimes.
Sheep :-)
|
aka Greensleeves
Registered User
(1/24/05 6:41 pm)
|
Re: fears
Veronica--try having a nosy greyhound who can't possibly let you
go to a room by yourself without his protection. I've had the blissful
peace of my shower interrupted more than once by the bathroom door
springing open! :eek
I hope the fact that I am now no longer *startled* by this will
not one day be my undoing....
Ana... my fears of lurkers in the dark (recall my aforementioned creepy dark basement cubbyhole. I had to go all the way downstairs, to the very back of the basement, turn on my bedroom light, and then cross the entire basement and go back to the top of the stairs to turn the basement light off. All I had for protection on the way down was that tiny speck of light from my bedroom....)... As I was saying, my fears abated TREMENDOUSLY when I got a dog. He was just a wee little thing, but he was warm and alive and slept with me in my bed. I was never afraid after that. Much of the suspicion returned during four years when I rented and couldn't have pets. But--greyhound! Not much for protection from actual intruders (he would make sure they felt welcome :lol ), but he absolutely keeps the Bogeymen and friends at bay. :)
So: get a pet if it's at all possible. If you can't have a dog or cat, guinea pigs or hamsters are good choices--a lot of small pets are nocturnal and can protect you from spooky phantoms while you sleep. :) Pets (except for cats :lol ) as a rule are immune to Bogeymen.
|
redheatherus
Registered User
(1/26/05 12:27 pm)
|
Re: fears
You can always try the all out multi-pet assault approach to dealing with the boogeyman.
It's otherwise known as having so many pets that every noise at night can be attributed to them...I've even had a scared-of-noises-at-night friend who liked staying at my house because all the noises could be/were animal induced.
But then, going to work at 6 in the morning I have to stop and open a gate in the dark way out in the countryside. And on occasion I get the stray thought of what if....
Edited by: redheatherus at: 1/26/05 12:29 pm
|
AliceCEB
Registered User
(1/26/05 12:42 pm)
|
Re: fears
You know, Neil Gaiman's "The Price" in Smoke and Mirrors is about a cat that protects a house from... well, he doesn't quite say. The bogeyman, I'm guessing.
Edited by: AliceCEB at: 1/26/05 12:42 pm
|
redtriskell
Registered User
(1/27/05 1:20 am)
|
afraid of the dark
To Anamithim- Being scared of the dark is okay. I'm 33 and I still leave the light on sometimes. One of the things adults seldom admit to is fear. I second BlackSheep's suggestion that a guardian for your bed is in order. Mine was a teddy bear who kept me safe. I also told myself wonderful stories in the dark until I fell asleep. I still do that when the night seems especially close. The best thing I can tell you is that fear, no matter how intense, passes. I think of it like surfing- you just have to ride the wave until it crashes on the shore. And while fear is suffocating when it's got you in its grip, it can't hold on forever. It gets tired.
To AliceCEB- You know, I always thought of the thing in that story as the devil...even though he never quite says.
|
AliceCEB
Registered User
(1/27/05 8:06 am)
|
Re: afraid of the dark
Redtriskell, you may be right. But I've always thought the devil was a kind of bogeyman--blame it on upbringing. :\
|
anamithim
Unregistered User
(1/27/05 8:08 pm)
|
dark
im scared of the dark but i cant sleep with the light on, or atleast not as easy. i hate going outside in the light, but im kinda scared of going outside in the dark.
|
gigi
Unregistered User
(1/27/05 9:19 pm)
|
scared of the dark
well being scared of the dark is truly a nuisance isn't it?
I have dealt with this fear for a while since it resurfaced a year ago.
The best thing is to concentrate on a spot on the wall and think of NothIng ...truly concentrate filtering out other noises. This will help you sleep easier.
Also frequent exercising usually in the afternoons or morning (Not evening) help you to fall asleep faster. That then emliminates the need of fear of the dark.
sweet dreams,
gigi :b
|
redtriskell
Registered User
(1/28/05 3:08 am)
|
Re: scared of the dark
To Anamithim- I am truly sorry you are having such a difficult time with the dark. And what do you mean about being afraid of going out in the light? I'm curious because I wish I could be more helpful.
To AliceCEB- Maybe the devil is the ultimate Boogeyman... It's funny about my interpretation of the thing as the devil because, you know, I don't really believe in the devil. Except, maybe, as the most versatile character ever created in literature. ;)
|
anamithim
Unregistered User
(1/28/05 12:39 pm)
|
dark
well, i dont really like the light that much but i am scared of the dark.mostly when im inside my house or anyone elses house. i am scared of the dark outside ao i stay near street lamps and if i have to go near really dark spots i have to run and i hesitate a little.i cant sleep in the light unless im super super tired and i do fall asleep in the dark good, but im scared of it.weird...
|
