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Comment
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danmuse1983
Registered User
(4/5/05 10:19 am)
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help! trying to write a fairy tale!
hello,
im a student filmmaker from the uk and im developing a fairy tale script for a future production. Im struggling a bit with its structure and ending so im hoping someone might have any suggestions or know of any fairy tales that might be worth reading for inspiration.
the plot is 2 twins meet a storyteller in the wood, as they walk the man home he tells the children a tall tale of the lonely witch.
the witch was born a old hag and as a result abandoned in the wood by her parents. the witch grew lonely and derranged, she develops a habit of stuffing the woods animals and keeping them in her house - if the animals are stuffed alive, theyre souls are trapped inside.
once at the house, the children fascinated ask to hear more of the story, they go inside - the storyteller goes on to tell the tale about how 2 twins came across the witch and met grim consequences. the girl twin was killed, the boy twin cursed for a lifetime to bring children to the witches house.
the children then realise theyre fate, the storyteller is the boy from the story. He leaves them in the witches house at their peril.
Thats the premise but im struggling with - its a bit long for the 9min film we are making - not sure what i should cut out or in what order to tell it - plus im not sure if its strong enough that the witch is just lonely and needs to own as many children as possible.
Im sorry if this post has become a little long-winded (i think it has) but i hope someone might be able to help out.
Thanks very much
Luke
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Richard
Parks
Registered User
(4/5/05 11:02 am)
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Re: help! trying to write a fairy tale!
The main problem as I see it is that you're basically using a fairy-tale premise to set up what's actually a horror story. While a fairy-tale often has horrific elements, the cursed storyteller leading the children toward their inevitable dooms doesn't speak of struggle, or heroism, or patience, or anything but the inevitable millstones of fate slowly grinding as they will. While a fairy-tale can certainly end badly, it's not because the subjects just happened to be in the wrong wood at the wrong time. Otoh, if the children are to pull a "Hansel and Gretel" on the witch that's another thing, but you're still left with the problem that the witch's character and situation as you've presented it is much more interesting than the children, imperiled or no.
That's not to say your premise isn't workable. Make a short horror film, but at least understand that this is what you're doing. If you're going for something more, otoh, you need to rethink a bit.
http://dm.net/~richard-parks
Edited by: Richard Parks at: 4/5/05 2:30 pm
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Writerpatrick
Registered User
(4/5/05 4:54 pm)
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Re: help! trying to write a fairy tale!
I should say that I'm not a fan of horror because too many fall upon the slash-em-up gross-out rather than bothering with any real story. I should also warn you that I've been participating in a few literary critiquing groups, so understand if I come across as critical.
If you're looking for other stories, there's a witch similar to this one towards the end of Grimm's "The Twin Brothers." I believe the creatures are turned to stone in it.
It looks to me like you're trying to do a Twilight Zone type twist ending, which can be catastrophic if the viewer catches on. Twist ending are very difficult to do and few writers have Serling's skill. You have to give the viewer (or reader) clues but push them in one direction, then pull them in another.
Also, as soon as stuffed animals are mentioned, the viewer is immediately going to be reminded of Psycho. It's become something of a horror cliche. It's also a bit of a cop-out to leave characters in a perilous situation without resolving that situation.
There's also a logic problem-if the character is leading the children to the house, why would he tell them about it? Wouldn't he take a more "Pied Piper" approach? Maybe you could have him tell the Hansel and Gretel story but change the ending, which is revealed when the house is.
Since you're using twins, maybe you could work it so that the viewer knows of the female twin being killed, but the fact that the other twin in male could be kept hidden until the end. Viewer's bias will cause them to assume the other twin is female.
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Veronica
Schanoes
Registered User
(4/5/05 6:14 pm)
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Re: help! trying to write a fairy tale!
I'm wondering what these two kids were doing in the woods. Going home with a strange man, no less. I suppose that's not the point, but it kind of is. In Hansel and Gretel, the kids are abandoned by their parents and lost in the woods and starving to death. But woods are generally dangerous in fairy tales, which is why they're a place of death (H&G) or parents give strict rules designed to keep the venturing children safe (LRRH). I guess the woods aren't a scary place for Snow White, but even she was driven there and didn't go of her own accord.
I like the idea of the witch born as an old woman constantly trying to capture and preserve youth (via taxidermy), but the story seems incomplete to me, too. Perhaps you might think about doing it without the framing story, and just making it the story of this poor mad witch? It would still need a resolution to her story, but the second set of kids just seems unnecessary to me.
Edited by: Veronica Schanoes at: 4/5/05 6:15 pm
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Crceres
Registered User
(4/5/05 10:31 pm)
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Re: help! trying to write a fairy tale!
Your story, as you've presented it here, sounds very much like the Cat with Hands. Hm. Okay, just realized that the ending is totally different, but the premise does have similarities.
Now, you could maybe do something with the storyteller. He's cursed, similar to the old man who must paddle the ferry across the lake until someone else takes the oar. Perhaps he manages to warn or help the children? Or take it in the other direction, where he's a greater threat than the witch. With just 9 minutes, you may have to cut something out or alter it.
Good luck!
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Rosemary
Lake
Registered User
(4/8/05 3:20 am)
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Re: help! trying to write a fairy tale!
For an overall view, I'd suggest Luthi's books on fairy tales, and perhaps Propp's _Morphology of the Folktale_.
What you gave might fit into that sort of fairy tale, but it would need a happy ending, and more of a point, somehow. The children would need to do something, affect their own fate, solve their problem. Perhaps unintentionally -- often it turns out someone was under a spell that could only be broken by some outsider unknowingly doing some key action. Perhaps the storyteller knew this, and was bringing the twins and setting them up with just enough information for them to do such an action.
Also, there's a motif of a protagonist wandering into a place where many people are held prisoner, often as statues or as animals, and eventually freeing them. Iirc, one such story is Calvino's "The Chicory Gatherers", and so are various versions of "Living Water". If the stuffed animals' souls are inside, they could come back to normal.
Traditionally the beginning has a family problem, and the ending solves it. Why was the witch born an old hag? Was it a birth curse (as in "Sleeping Beauty" or MacDonald's "The Light Princess")? Did her parents abandon her to cover it up? Did your protagonist twins, later learning part of the story, go out looking for their lost elder sister (like the heroine in "The Seven Ravens" iirc)?
Did the witch stay old, or is she gradually growing younger (like the man in F. Scott Fitzgerald's story, and was there a fairy tale or legend where that happened)? Hm, if the witch has become young enough, she might appear to be a captive child herself. Perhaps the twins hug that 'child', which breaks the curse. This would be rather like "Sleeping Beauty" in that after a certain length of time, anyone who came would effortlessly end the curse. If that were it, then perhaps the emphasis could remain on the storyteller's story (ie the story of the witch), with the curse-breaking action coming quickly after the twins realize who he is and where they are.
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